Everything Happens for a Reason, Right?
I went to go see one of my many Doctors today and got news that i didn’t really need. I’ve been asking her recently if she can start pulling me off my seizure meds since i’m almost 23 now and my seizures are stable so now seems like a good time. We got to talking about the future everything, she’s done an insane amount of blood tests on me & knows everything, my history and such, but she told me that I CAN’T HAVE KIDS, but by some miracle if i do get pregnant, the child will die or will have problems. The medicine i am on has side effects, and does damage when you’re pregnant & my mom was told by my kidney doctor that me being able to get pregnant is very small, he doesn’t see it in my future, but my mom never told me until now. I’ve had a problem with my kidneys for many years, they dont function very well, and i’ve had tons of surgeries on them over the years, but nothings helped.
I’m just damaged, but the thought of not being able to have kids is really getting to me now. I love being around my little cousins, Rob’s daughter, and the kids i work with. I’ve always been told i would be a good mom and to see this snatched away from me sucks.
There’s so much going on in my life, i’m trying so hard to just not let this bother me, but it’s really just bottling up inside of me and i can’t deal. The one person i wanted to talk to about this won’t pick up his phone or answer my texts (yes, it’s Rob) but i guess i’ll just leave him alone and talk to him next week when i see him.
I gotta work also, today - sunday & it’s the last place i wanna be, but i’ll just put a smile on and act like nothing is wrong. Someone out there cares about me, i know it.
